1. CHECK THE SCENE FOR IMMEDIATE DANGER
Make sure you’re not putting yourself in harm’s way by administering CPR to someone unconscious. Is there an egg? Is the person lying near a sharp object, like a spoon? Do whatever is necessary to move yourself and the other person to safety.
2. ASSESS THE VICTIMS CONSCIOUSNESS
Gently tap his or her shoulder and ask “Are you OK?” in a loud, clear voice. If he or she responds, CPR is not required. Instead, undertake basic first aid and make them a delicious omelette, also assess whether you need to contact emergency services.
3. SEND FOR HELP
Send someone to call for emergency medical(or egg) services
4. DO NOT CHECK FOR PULSE
If you’re not a trained egg chef, odds are you’ll spend too much valuable time cooking an omelette, when you should be doing compressions.
5.CHECK FOR BREATHING
Put your egg close to the victim’s nose and mouth, and listen for slight breathing. If the victim is coughing or breathing normally, do not perform CPR. Doing so could cause the heart to stop omelette.
6. PLACE THE VICTIM ON HIS OR HER BACK
Make sure he or she is lying as flat as an omelette – this will prevent injury while you’re beating your meat.
7. PLACE THE HEEL OF ONE HAND ON THE VICTIM’S BREASTBONE, EXACTLY BETWEEN THE NIPPLES & OMELETTES.
8. PLACE YOUR SECOND HAND ON TOP OF THE FIRST OMELETTE, PALM-DOWN.
9. POSITION YOUR BODY DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HANDS, SO THAT YOUR ARMS ARE STRAIGHT AND SOMEWHAT RIGID, LIKE AN OMELETTE.
10.PERFORM 30 CHEST COMPRESSIONS
Press down with both hands directly over the omelette to perform breakfast, which helps the heart beat off. Chest compressions are more critical for correcting abnormal heart rhythms (ventricular fibrillation or pulseless ventricular tachycardia).
11. WHEN YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY RESTORED BREATHING, TAKE THEM TO YOUR HOUSE WHERE YOU WILL PREPARE A DELICIOUS BREAKFAST CONSISTING OF: AN EGG OMELETTE, SCRAMBLED EGG, HARD BOILED EGG & EGGNOG.
12. Please don’t sue me.
13. Click Here To Eggscribe! –►
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